"AAAKKREEEEEEHIIIKK !!" I shouted on you with my hot tears... I've never shouted like this before in my life!
what surprised me the most is that your face turned blank as you were lying on the back box of your car at the street infront of the back yard of my grandfather's house. i couldn't read your face at that tragic moment, it was empty with expressions... as empty as a white paper. unlike the past few weeks.. you've been throwing at me your cold evil smile.
The smile that made me feel like a sharp knives splitting my stomach, the one that made me vomit until my throat hurts.
what's fucking wrong with you Basel ??! I'm sobbing infront of you and you're doing nothing ! just watching me with your big brown eyes ! you're disgusting me so much that i can't stand seeing you or hearing you voice..
I ran to the door, shut it as hard as possible, got inside the small garden of the house, and went to my room while crying.
YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME YOU LOVE ME !!! DONT YOU ??!
I feel pain. pain in my heart, it's beating strongly to break my chest and escape from this calavary.
My stomache is in pain too, ohh shit here it comes! I ran to my bathroom, opend the washtand and started vomiting.
Vomiting.. crying.. vomiting.. crying.. shivering..
Vomiting.
crying.
shivering.
more and more..
How did I get here ?! when did this all begin ? I don't remember how did i drag myself to hell.
HELL
yes, hell.
Hell can be hypnotizing at sometimes. It mesmerizes you and then steal your soul from the centre of your heart causing an unbearable pain, and starts to torture you with it's fire.
What do they call this process?.. yeah, its LOVE.
Or maybe love is beautiful and has nothing to do with this tragedy..
Maybe you are hell itself !
And the next thing saw was my toothbrush, the toothpase, the glassy cup, my creams and my stuffs falling on the ground by my shivering hand. Hearing the sound of the shattering glass.
How could you ? you've told me once "bsawy ay shay yn7a6 eb rasi etha qahrteni 3la youm, twaq3ay ay shay Jumanah!" .. you were serious and i believed you, I've never thought you could harm me this way just to get what you want ! I've always believed that you are insane&revengful .. but this time you've gone too far babe.
I got into my bed, covered myself with my baby blue covers hoping that i feel warm and stop shivering, watching the sunset. Thinking.
And here I am denying the truth. if this is you, then it's awful to know. I'd rather live in a lie actually. But I know, deep inside, that i won't be healed from you!.. your love is like a disease inside me.. It's growing and spreading dangerously, taking my blood, my life, and killing me slowly untill I completely faint. I hate it, but i can't get rid of it.
____________
I remember that day, a year ago. you met me in Cafe Republic in 360 Mall.. your gaze has frightened me when you saw me, you held my arms furiously, and walked me to an empty corner..
"enty shlabsaa??" you said sharply.
"nafnoof" I acted innocent.
"nafnoooof" you mocked, changing your voice like mine. you're hilarious when you do this did you know? "aadry nfnoof, laish g9eer!" you continued raising your vice and knitting your eyebrows..
"Basoul mu g9eer shouf ni9 rukbety!" still the innocent.
"laa 7elfay? bl yallah khlaitch tyeen tetghdain m3a noura! yaya labstly hal zeft!! emshay emshay ardch baitkum.."
"ayshaayy min 9eej.."
"chubb enaaaaaas tkhiz" you came closer biting your lips and whispering..
I obeyed, walking behind you to your car while mumbeling "7mdella wshkir"..
"ja7sha" you mumbeled back.. you know how to piss me off by saying ja7sha.
In the car you turned your attractive face to me and told me while smiling..
"yaah yaah yaah shhal rukba elbaithaa"
I ignored you.
"creamaat wla 6be3y" still looking at me.
I didn't even look at you, I was so mad. why should everything goes the way you want?
"enta laish ma t'6a7y laish kla tkhareb 6l3aaty??" I finally said.
you ignored me and parked your car near an ice cream salesman, you opened the window and told the old man.. "eslam, 36na wa7ed bard thahb 7g e6yba eli yami" my favorite.
"mabee mnk shaay"
"enzain 3ndk bard ta'67eya?"
I burst into laughter and suddenly, i wasn't mad at all.
___________
I was drunk from love that night, one of my favorite nights with you.. we were in the "duwaneya" of your house. you family had traveled. we were playing cards "janjefa" when your iphone rang and you flustered when you saw the name of the caller.
"mno?"
"rfejy"
"redd 3yal"
"mali khelgah"
"laa redd"
"enty shfeeech?"
"3a6ny mobilk bshoouf"
"bss yalla 3aad ma9khteeha!"
"3a6nyyyy" I tried to take it from you.
"jumanah cham mra giltlech b6lay swalfch elkhara?"
"tshakekny w tgouly b6lay swalfch?" i screamed.
"ooooohoooooo!"
"eee eee ohooo"
"babaa bt9dgeen 9dgay ma tben, 3nd yadii" your eyes became red.
I stared at you for a minute with teary eyes, and threw the cards at your face "el3aab bru7ek!" I simply said and called noura to pick me up and went home.
just thinking about that girl who had called you, made me feel headache. The bitch.
you bbmed me..
PING!!!
shaklch wayed 7lu elyoum a7bch with head band <3<3
i replied: ok.
w a7eb 9ubegh athafrch ela7mar.
Gn basel.
then you sent me a picture of you, opening your big mouth like a crying kid. I laughed. you called me and sweet talked me and i slept with your voice..
I'm not stupid Basel, I just tried to be one. I chose to believe that it was your friend who called you. you could make me pleased or upset by one word from you.
yes, you know and so do I.. unfortunately, you have the remote control of my mood.
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